Sarah. Then our assignments
Posted by rocksea and sarah on 13 Mar 2006 | Tagged as: adoption in india, india, life
Introducing Sarah
Outline: The princess who came out of the colorful sketch future drew for me.
Bio/Geography: Sarah the princess, from the bird sanctuary in Kerala, brought up in the twin cities and at present chirping from the silicon valley of India.
What does all this mean: Sarah will be a part of future sketches and songs on this website 
Now that you know Sarah, let us get into some action 
Assignment 1
Adoption. While we both were talking on everything as always, we were surprised and happy to see that both of us have similar interests in adopting children. It is not just a fantasy but an idea we had from long back, with specific reasons. We want to do several things in life, making love and life meaningful. So we thought we should take it step by step, studying each and everything. If we are studying something and if it could be useful to you, we will write it down and that is what we are going to do. So follow us if you are interested 
Studying adoption with respect to Indian culture is interesting, especially since until recently adoption was not an option at all, was considered a stigma in the society. Moreover, rules and regulations are not properly understood and due to the multitude of religions present, these rules have to be tailored to fit each religion in the country. So it comes down to the fact that you don’t have a specific set of adoption laws for the whole country. Anyways first we should start from what me and sarah are. Officially christians (sarah will object to this, she will say she is more a christian by faith), we will first look into adoption into a christian family (future family). For a start, we have put down the following questions to be answered by us and we are analyzing it. We will add more questions as we get answers to these…
- Reasons to adopt. Why should rocksea and sarah adopt a child.
- Procedures for adoption by christian family. Christian Wards and Guardian Act, is it related to Indians living in India, does it considers an adopted child as own child etc etc. We searched over the internet on related procedures but information and reliable real life experiences over the interenet were scanty, one reason why we are putting the details on the web.
- Psychological problems when you have own child and adopted child in the same family. Of course we both have the urges to have our own child. So can we satisfy both? Or will we end up having our own children and just sponsoring other kids? Will having own children and adopted children in the same family bring troubles?
Related posts
26 Comments »
on 14 Mar 2006 at 12:31 pm 1.Dhiru said …
Great views… made for each other. but both of u need to think over it very seriously. there are lot many things to take care and its a huge responsibility.
[Reply]
on 14 Mar 2006 at 12:48 pm 2.pidiyana said …
Thats a lovely thought, Rocksea and Sarah!!
Apart from using such a frivolous adjective (lovely), I would also say that it ia a HUGE responsibilty. Of accepting and of providing acceptance to that child whom you plan to bring into your future family. This is a huge thign considering our Malayalee christian family set-up.
All the best to you both! You can count on me for any help in this cause of yours. I fully support you. I am just a buzz away.
[Reply]
on 14 Mar 2006 at 1:19 pm 3.rocksea said …
Dhiru, pidiyana, happy to see your comments and support. Yes we know it is a HUGE responsibility. That is why we have already started studying it, instead of plunging into it later without knowing the +ve n -ve sides. This is still an idea and we are analyzing the idea, and ourselves, so that we can take a firm decision later in life.
Other than that, we hope that whatever discussions we have here will shower some light into specific problems related to adoption.
what do you say, Sarah?
[Reply]
on 14 Mar 2006 at 3:42 pm 4.sarah said …
Yes, we certainly know that it is a huge resposibility to be carried life long. WE would not want to take a desicion that would be a regret later, so we are going to be careful on it by giving it a detailed study - in all terms and aspects. Moreover, since it involves a life and more, this is not going to be taken lightly by us. The very fact of us nurturing an idea like this is to give a child a life it deserves. We are certainly expecting more ideas and thoughts as inputs from you guys to help us decide. Isn’t it Roxy?
[Reply]
on 14 Mar 2006 at 4:15 pm 5.rocksea said …
Of course, Sarah
[Reply]
on 14 Mar 2006 at 10:17 pm 6.Marlin said …
Sarah & Roxy, tht is a very beautiful thought….
well a small idea to ur 3rd questn …
“Will having own children and adopted children in the same family bring troubles?”…
i have been in close interactn with 4-5 families who have their own children and have adopted as well…
and as far as my experience wit thm goes…its how you nurture that life but also how you evolve with tht life and the other over time…its perceptions about life, as a family and also with the outside world and how you help tht life and others to adapt to each other…
there are cases whr life is beautiful and without problms as any othr family..but in certain cases thr r problms…n during my counselling sessions with thm i have heard a common plea from each child..’I wish to be treated normal…”
[Reply]
on 15 Mar 2006 at 12:10 am 7.rocksea » Adoption : The Answers (i) said …
[...] Answers to previous post on Adoption [...]
on 15 Mar 2006 at 1:53 am 8.Marlin said …
eh…wich one????…well u see, i charge on the answers…(the first was a trial offer)…hehe…
[Reply]
on 15 Mar 2006 at 7:09 pm 9.rocksea said …
Oh Marlin, that was an automatic tracback when the sequence to this post was made, and was not commented by me.
Happy to see your detailed and insightful comments. As you say, the perceptions about life in a family will over rule how any child, adopted or own, will grow up. We can make the life inside family tuned to that. We have to see how we can tune situations, problems when the child comes in contact with the outside world, both ways.. how the child sees the outside world and vice versa..
and.. It is a very valid point, one which we often miss.. thanks for pointing out! “I wish to be treated normal..” Though it is true that we unintentionally may treat them out of the normal circle.. In what ways do you think they are not treated normal? I think parents will also be confused, on how to treat the child. Even treating one’s own child you have to be cautious. So in such special cases, parents can get too confused on how to treat, what is going on etc etc..?
[Reply]
on 16 Mar 2006 at 12:22 am 10.Marlin said …
well i wil cite an eg on the plea raised…
i have counselled a girl, she was adopted by her parents before they had their own child, she has a sister 3 yrs younger to her…her parents told bout this fact wen she was around 14…and since tht time on, they were over-protective bout her, evn on incidents whr she used to get into child-fights with her sis…she felt she was being supported for no reason…
believe me Roxy, i have nvr met such a wonderful and mature person like her to-date…and uncle n aunty r the most resolved n broad-minded couple…
from her view-point, she felt her parents wr worried tht the truth disclosed to her mite hav tendered her emotions…n her parents agreed to tht…but it was not so…n both feared talking out this matter fearing tht their thought mite b a misconception on either side…
now they r bck to normal life…she gets proper show-downs for ny havoc in the house..hehe
wot i meant to say…sumtimes over-concern n possessiveness rift hearts apart…but wot i feel n wish to practise myslf is..’Be the best of friends to you children so tht they nvr hesitate on discussing or communicating nythng to us…’
[Reply]
on 16 Mar 2006 at 10:27 am 11.rocksea said …
Marlin, you are doing a great job already!
Your insight and experience into adoption related factors is pretty helpful. I understand the concern on over-concern 
Sometimes it happens within a family with own kids too!
[Reply]
on 17 Mar 2006 at 12:02 am 12.Marlin said …
well…lemme take sum more appreciation frm u..hehe…
just sharing a little secret of mine…i sponser 5 kids in Kerala…the kids are from Precious Children foundation…i have already requested the Chairman for some help to your queries…hoping to hear from him soon…
[Reply]
on 17 Mar 2006 at 8:25 pm 13.rocksea said …
thatz great! recently, when i shared this idea, i was stunned that:
1. sarah is already sponsoring a child through cry
2. my roommate is sponsoring a child in africa
in sarah’s case, no info on the child is given.
in 2nd case, details of child is given, which gives more belonging and satisfaction (?) and inspiration?
both of them have told me as a secret but am telling here cuz it can be inspirational to others. Sarah??
3. now it is you to stun me
anyways marlin, i already know you have been helping out a lot out there in india, in all possible ways! envy you 
and 5 kids is a big number!! ever thought of sponsoring me 
[Reply]
on 17 Mar 2006 at 10:37 pm 14.Marlin said …
well..thts one of the prime reasons why i struggle to earn a decent salary…so tht those who r deprived of tht moulding course to a bright and secure future can get sum help, to make a little difference in their life….
i have always felt tht i m ‘blessed’ n i thank God endlessly for all the wonderful things in my life, which are there and also yet to come…so i am just passing on this blessing to carry on this progeny of life…my small way of thanking God for blessing me this most wonderful gift…’Life’…
[Reply]
on 17 Mar 2006 at 11:16 pm 15.rocksea said …
feeling good listening to you.
happy
[Reply]
on 20 Mar 2006 at 3:06 pm 16.sarah said …
Marlin, that is so cool! 5 Kids is indeed a big number…They are the ones truely blessed to have people like you in the world!
[Reply]
on 20 Mar 2006 at 11:56 pm 17.Marlin said …
ohh..actually i m blessed…to hav been able to make a little effort like this…
thanks Sarah…God Bless..
[Reply]
on 25 Mar 2006 at 3:44 pm 18.Litty said …
Congratulations Roxy and Sarah. God bless you both.
That is a wonderful idea you both have developed.
[Reply]
on 29 Aug 2006 at 10:37 pm 19.rocksea » Adoption: The Answers (iii) said …
[...] Our assignments [...]
on 05 Nov 2006 at 8:35 pm 20.Binoj said …
Hi Roxy and Sarah,
Apreciate both of you for this wonderful thought. Wish you life full of success.
And good work done on photography. Hope ‘www.rock-sea.net’ was not a private website. If so, appologies for going through it.
Regards!!
[Reply]
on 20 Jul 2007 at 2:47 pm 21.Bincy Sujay said …
Hi Roxy and Sarah…
Its indeed a very good thought.
But please think over it again and again and see whether its practical…
Dont jump into any decisions.
If you are seriously planning to adopt any child, then please do think about his/her long term future also…
I am also interested in helping kids, anyone who has any info on this..pls let me know..
Thanks,
Bincy
[Reply]
rocksea replied on September 23rd, 2008 11:41 am:
bincy, that is what we are doing: thinking over it seriously and studying on it, instead of jumping into irreversible actions
[Reply]
on 23 Sep 2008 at 4:21 am 22.Kishore said …
da, will you remove all these posts before that child be able to read all these ? Just a thought !!
Kishore
[Reply]
rocksea replied on September 23rd, 2008 11:39 am:
kishore, i think it is necessary to be transparent to the adopted children about the situation, in a comprehendable, mature way. i dont see any reason to delete the posts! they carry only a positive outlook.
roxy
[Reply]
on 03 Oct 2008 at 1:16 am 23.anubhavi said …
roxy and sarah,
i dont know but I feel that if you want your own child too then you would think in some different way. Like if you are economically strong then why cant people with similar ideas can come together and adopt some 3-4 children. You dont have to stay all time together, but you can stay der in weekends, and be there parents.And provide them best education and best guidance, and most important give them all love you have.
Otherwise, i sometimes feel that it may be( m saying may be) difficult for your adopted child to sustain with ur own child, dont know, but der might be possibility.
And you cansometimes see so many grievances between real siblings, then with adopte??
i donno, may be i am wrong,
otherwise you can have only adopted
[Reply]
sarah replied on October 3rd, 2008 10:32 pm:
Anubhavi, your concern is a valid one. Adopting a child is not only demanding economically, but also emotionally, mentally and socially. So, most of the people would shy away from such an act.
I would not undermine your suggestion of pooling together and adopting some children. Yet, we feel that a child that is adopted should be given a proper childhood like they would get in their own home. The idea of adoption is not just to support economically or act like parents once a week (which I personally feel is a tough thing to do). The idea is to take a child without a home and give one.
In the course of it, we cannot underestimate the possibility of problems arising between siblings. But I think if the concept is maturely handled and explained to either children, such situations can be avoided.
For instance, adopting a child before having one’s own reduces the chance of the own child having hassles with the adopted child, as the adopted child was already there when the own child was born. This helps the own child to accept the adopted child as a part of his/her life. Also, the parents should not to be biased towards the own child once it is born, to avoid any hurt feelings to develop in the adopted child.
So, yes, any couple/parent who feels they cannot handle the situation is clearly not prepared for an adoption. When it is a family, many other problems might arise too, but we should not blame the adoption of the child as a cause of these problems to find an escape. A lot of courage goes into taking such a step.
[Reply]